I read some in this yesterday morning and wanted to get back to make a comment.
You are not alone! Parenting is hard.
I’m going to suggest a clue that helps some people. For SOME people, not eating any gluten/wheat, or maybe it’s the pesticide on the wheat, will help. It may sound unbelievable! but sometimes the way we act has to do with health, food. I know how hard it is to totally get rid of wheat!! but for some, wheat causes emotional meltdowns! I wish we had known this years sooner.
The books, The Ultramind Solution by Mark Hyman, and What’s Eating Your Child by Kelly Dorfmann give ideas into this.
I also learned that for some kids, there needs to be a play time first before the “harder” things of the day. I don’t have a reason, but that became helpful to remember.