I totally relate to all you’re saying. I have a 12 year old son with attachment disorder (which I dispute) and recently diagnosed with ODD and ADHD. I’m at my wits end with his behaviour.
Apart from everything you mention, my son also gets VERY verbally abusive, and sometimes physically abusive too.
It’s just me and him full time so I take the brunt of everything and it’s very hard to cope.
He had a tutor as his school could no longer meet his needs, but he refused to do any work for the tutor or engage, so now after half term he starts a new provision.
He also doesn’t have friends, even though probably out of shame he says he does I know he doesn’t as no one ever calls for him.
He has been having kick offs every single day and last week he destroyed his bedroom, not only that but he refuses to tidy it up and says he will but manipulates me and then doesn’t do it at all. He brakes things and is absolutely vile when he had these nasty freak outs, calls me names, swears at me. During his last freak out he threw bleach on the floor and walls, cut some of my furniture, and poured water and shower gel on the hall floor. This is to name a few.
When you mention your son takes without asking, my son is the same he doesn’t respect what I say at all. He will turn the house literally over looking for things I’ve said he’s not allowed to use, like his x box or phone. He has zero respect for what I say. He will take anything from the cupboards/fridge and do exactly what he pleases no matter what I say. I’ve had to give my neighbour his electronics now so he can not find them and put a password on the tv.
I’ve made it clear he can have his stuff when he behaves, but he just refuses and says he won’t do it still.
He has his good moments but they are few and far between now. It’s so sad as we are/were very close but he’s behaviour is pushing me not to like him, trust him and be around him right now.
Oh he also took £20 from my bag, he denies it was him but there is only me and him living here and I know for sure I didn’t misplace it.