Reply To: friends for 12 year old girl with ADHD

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Thanks you all so much for the discussion above. I have struggled with this for years with my daughter, who’s currently 13 and entering 9th grade next school year. Middle school has been super challenging so it has lived up to its reputation in spades. One by one she seems to have lost good friend after good friend as her former friends move to more popular friend groups or get tired of my daughter’s impulse control issues. She’s had one “best friend” for nearly five years. This girl has been a total rock star, totally loyal and has stuck with my daughter through so much. Now even she is pulling away and my daughter is beside herself because she doesn’t understand why. As a mother this anguishes me enormously. We’ve tried so many things: medications, therapy, activities. She’s a talented singer and actress and that has helped her with self esteem but she’s a huge extrovert and wants to hang out with kids on the weekends and belong to a cool friend group like she perceives everyone else does. I just can’t understand why this is so hard for her. She’s a sweetheart. Cares so much for her friends. Her impulse control issues can be difficult to deal with no doubt but I think for my daughter it boils down to immaturity and not knowing how to relate to girls her own age. I kick myself for not holding her back because she has a late in the year birthday. I also kick myself for not befriending more of the kids’ mothers in her class, but quite honestly, they scare me and are fairly cliquey themselves. And I agree that social media has made this all the crueler by allowing kids to broadcast to the world who they’re hanging around with and what they’re doing on any particular occasion. It just makes the kids like ours feel even more isolated. But I love the message from mamaadd above that we might just need to accept some measure of this and just remember our primary purpose is to be there for them. It can be hard for me because I seem to soak in the same pain that my daughter feels so I just try to fight it…but it doesn’t help. Anyway, let’s keep talking. It soothes my soul to hear from other moms going through this. Hugs to you all.