Reply To: Mom on the verge…I'm not alone, right?

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#85196
ADHDMAMA
Participant

My heart also goes out to you! I can totally relate to what you described when my son was that age. The thing that I most want to pass on to you is that there is HOPE, in fact from what you described, in spite of all of the challenges, you should be VERY HOPEFUL because it sounds to me like you have a very gifted, caring child who is making some mistakes, but I do think he is also doing the VERY BEST he can do at this time and so are YOU so I hope you will both give each other a little bit of a break. When he says he doesn’t know why he does things, please believe him. He is not thinking at the time! Afterwards, he knows he made a mistake and feels terrible! No offense to your well meaning family, but unless they have raised an ADHD kid, they have no clue so traditional advice and judgments are of no use in my opinion. Open up with discretion in your local community. Find a sympathetic teacher, counselor or group of parents for support (this really helps). A couple of other things, if he is on stimulants and is growing, he will be ravenous when his meds where off so stock your home with easy to reach nutritious snacks that he is free to grab at will to the extent you can. If you know he disobedied you and did something he shouldn’t have done, just call him on it rather than ask if he did it. Otherwise, you set him up for the double transgression of lying to you. Your positive relationship is most important. He probably goes through most of the day feeling bad about the many mistakes he makes due to poor impulse control but he really needs you to be his refuge at end od day to give him a hug despite how frustrated you may be. His poor impulse control will get better as he gets older so just give him time for now. Pick your battles. My son was totally disorganized too (and still is but he is making his way through a very competitive college program now on his own terms). By the way, I tried the rewards system, organization tools, etc and the only things that ultimately ended up helping him were the right ADHD meds, tutoring in subjects where he was weak, me helping him one on one to accomplish tasks and now his own motivation to pursue what he really wants to do. You mentioned he was young for start of school. So was our son and after a bad first year of middle school, my husband insisted on switching him to a smaller school and repeating 7th grade. I was worried about the negative stigma, but it was a total nonissue for him. I realize that this is not possible for every family, but given that ADHD kids are slow to develop in certain areas, it was definitely the right decision for our family. Other advice is to make sure your kid has had a full neuropsychological evaluation. 50% of kids with ADHD also have one or more LD and the smarter they are, the more it is masked and hard to detect. Also, we were dismayed that a lot of public schools like ours won’t diagnose dyslexia even if they see it because that would mean they have to provide services that the public school doesn’t have the funds to pay for! Outrageous! Encourage your son to pursue electives like CS that he is naturally good at and please don’t take away sports as a punishment! ADHD kids really need exercise as a healthy outlet. Our son is 20 now and doing great pursuing CS at university and interning at a very prestigious silicon valley company that actually values the strengths that ADHD brings (intelligence, creatvity and hyperfocus on the computer screen, imagine that!), so hang in there with your AWESOME, GIFTED, HIGHLY-CHALLENGING CHILD!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by ADHDMAMA.
  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by ADHDMAMA.
  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by ADHDMAMA.