Reply To: Dating a Man with ADHD — my anxiety has spiked, seeking advice please.

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C1957
Participant

Hi PCE42:

I was happy to hear from you.

I think your posts sound so much like me 25 years ago, that I just HAD to respond.

Tim and I had such fun in the beginning. Walks on the beach…cafes in the city…little projects…exploring and more.

There were the exact “red flags” and doubts that you describe though. I ignored them and kept trying to “improve” myself. I changed my communication style to a way that I hoped and prayed would get us in sync…some worked for a little while…but ADHD dominated

You’re going to miss his company dearly. But the dysfunction of being in a marriage with your friend, let alone having a child with him will cost you more pain mentally than the initial separation.

I thank God Tim and I didn’t have children. ( I miscarried twice )
I have remained in this marriage after weighing out any alternative. Logistically and financially it has been easier to stay.

We exist together. He is a mechanical genius and has many projects and interests. I leave him to them. I find my joys in other ways. Vacations are pretty much a nightmare. He overspends and never sits still. We don’t have close friends because no one can follow his “back and forth..up and down” conversations. He is irritable, sulky, confrontational and almost never says please or thank you. He dwells in a bubble…I am gathering that many of these adults diagnosed with ADHD dwell in a self-absorbed bubble.

I can’t imagine what June 1st is going to look like for you.

Please reach out to me if you want to chat or ask any more questions. I was HORRIBLY disillusioned when I read posts like the ones on this site. I couldn’t believe what I’d gotten myself into and I had periods of complete denial…insisting that reading about ADHD or talking it out would lead us to a loving solution.

It has helped to at least express how I’ve been affected. I hope I can do a bit of that for you.