Reply To: Dating a Man with ADHD — my anxiety has spiked, seeking advice please.

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pce42
Participant

Thank you SO much for your response! I wasn’t sure if anyone was going to revisit this post, ha! Wow, 25 years is a long time and I appreciate you being blunt. I think learning others stories of being in a relationship with someone with ADHD/ADD who can relate to the things I’m describing can really help me feel like the decision I’m making is the correct one. John still lives with me and when we broke up at the beginning of May I told him he had until June 1st. That’s this Friday, and he still has not found an apartment or started packing. I can honestly say this has been the most emotionally exhausting last month of my life. I didn’t get to bed until about 3 AM last night because we talked. Literally, every night involves talking about the relationship between us two and the emotions and our connection we share make it that much harder to end the relationship. We have not gotten back together but I am a wreck. I’m now circling back with whether or not I should get back with him. He’s asked me if there is a way we can work things out. I explained his family won’t change and although he’s going to see a therapist, I don’t think I can handle the ADD for life because it spikes my anxiety.

My biggest concern is how much I miss him and how we truly do connect well, but, my health is suffering. I feel lost and foggy and depressed and right now, it’s because we still live together and spend time together and there isn’t any space. I told him it’s important for us to have space and that’s the only viable solution I have right now. He panics about this and says he doesn’t know what he’s going to do with his life, I’ve set an extremely high bar because nobody’s ever cared for him like I have, etc. I can honestly say that I do love John, but, I’m concerned at having him as a life partner due to the severity of his ADD. He does not want to be medicated for it either, which is his choice.

Can you tell me if when you married your husband his ADHD symptoms were prominent or if they got worse over time or just a little bit more about what you’ve experienced in your relationship? John is 30, I am 28.

Thank you for responding!