I’m reposting a briefer version of what I thought I’d posted earlier (but now do not see).
I feel I could have written the original post as well. I was a single mom to my, now 13 y.o. son, who happens to be adopted (at birth). He’s also quite bright and WAS doing well academically for years…until 3rd-4th grade, when his disruptive behaviors took over and his discipline issues prevailed. He also LIES like crazy! And he steals a lot (I have a padlock on my bedroom doort).
I had written a much longer post, but the essence of it was this: my son was also diagnosed with ADHD, adjustment disorder, and ultimately ODD. BUT all those things can also look like RAD – Reactive Attachment Disorder, which sometimes occurs in adopted individuals or those with significant trauma. Of course the treatment is much, much different. I feel that may be my son’s issue. One problem is that not many (even) professionals are too familiar with it, and even those who are aren’t necessarily trained to treat it. There are maybe 2 qualified RAD therapist in our large metro area (of nearly a million).
The other things I’d posted were links to some resources that might be useful (even if you don’t think RAD is your son’s issue). Beyond Consequences (book and website); Karyn Purvis’ website EmpoweredToConnect (has some video links) and book, The Connected Child.
Another poster mentioned Ross Greene’s book, The Explosive Child. For us personally, although it made a lot of sense, we did not have lasting results using his techniques. (We haven’t had LASTING results using anything really; so frustrating).
Right there with you!