Girlie, I have a 13 yo daughter, very similar situation. I am homeschooling her now. Mostly because the self loathing was so bad, so intense, it git got to the point of planning her suicide. Each child is unique, but my suggestion is, find an environment where he can be himself. Where he can feel accepted and loved. For many years I sided with teachers and principals
..and that only hurt my child. She needs help. Use compassionate eyes
Forget about him fitting in. Focus on helping him deal with his own challenges- and this means trying to perceive life from his point of view.
Each day is a new day.
And…you are not alone.