Reply To: Mom on the verge…I'm not alone, right?

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Parents Behavior & Discipline Mom on the verge…I'm not alone, right? Reply To: Mom on the verge…I'm not alone, right?

#85070
mom of 2
Participant

No, you are not alone. Been there. I won’t repeat any of the suggestions that others have made…but will add another. Find something that your son excels at and let him do it, even if it is to the exclusion of other things that he “needs” to do. Maybe that’s sports for him, maybe it’s video games…whatever it is, give him the chance to excel at something he wants to excel at (not at something you or his teachers want him to excel at). Be his biggest advocate (even if inside you are saying that what he wants to do is a waste of time). I am struck by the fact that his school accelerated him into kindergarten and then “all hell broke loose” in first grade. In my experience, this sounds like a very bright (perhaps even gifted) boy who had room to explore and keep himself engaged and occupied pre-school, and then suddenly got trapped in the routine and boredom of first grade. He is bored out of his mind in school, yet struggling with the ADD that keeps him from delivering on the repetitive, process-driven stuff that the typical elementary teacher wants. The material is boring so he can’t focus. He squirms and fidgets and doesn’t do his work (because it’s too boring to bother and because ADD makes it doubly hard to bother) so the teacher gets mad at him, compounding his inability to focus and making him feel guilty to boot. Repeat and amplify for 5-6 years. And lying is the only way out that he can see. Lived through it with my son. It took until high school to figure out that what he needed was for me to be the person who believed in him unconditionally and got the rest of the world off his back so that he could focus on what he loved to do. Now he’s in college, studying something he loves and doing great. And amazingly, all the other stuff (laundry, cleaning the room, meals) gets done, too, at least as much as it needs to (which, it turns out, is a lot less than many people would have you believe). Hang in there!!!!