Reply To: End of my rope

Old lady

I married in 1962. My husband died in 2001. I have two sons. Husband was and sons are extremely high IQ. My husband came from a very dysfunctional family as his father probably was hyper based on information. I thought all the problems were because of that. My older son was kicking for 15 minutes at a stretch in the womb and I later learned that is a sign. At that time no one knew what hyper was. I tried counseling, went to ACLD meetings. He was finally diagnosed by a pediatric neurologist when he was about 3-1/2. Before that I jokingly said playpens were to be used upside down and wondered why high chairs weren’t equipped with magnetic cups and plates. Lived through all of the problems, personal and school, others have had. My husband had all of the symptoms of what is now known as Adult ADD. My older son was full blown with a minimal learning disability when young and now is Adult ADHD. The younger son just has some minor characteristics of ADHD. When symptoms aren’t present they are decent, mature, moral individuals. But those symptoms are so hard to work with.

Why am I at the end of my rope? I’m 78 with health problems. My older son has lived at home because of severe IBS his whole life and nothing worked, so he couldn’t work. He went on disability about ten years ago. I took care of all of the family problems and worked for 20 years full time. Both sons refuse to even think they have ADHD though I’ve tried talking with them. My older son is emotionally very abusive. I know it is difficult for a grown male to live at home as males need to be off in the world learning and making their own mistakes. Recently he went through a stage three cancer problem and I ended up driving him to radiation and chemo as well as to therapy and other doctor visits. It hurts to know how much I’ve done over the years and continue to do without seeing any appreciation. Everything is taken for granted and the demands don’t stop. Although I have interests to divert me, there are no friends or family members close outside of my sons. Like many older people, I’ve kept personal complaints private. The older son has been in counseling for years, but he uses it as an excuse to vent which he also does to anyone who will listen. I’ve gone into severe depression at this point. I tried counseling, but when the counselors don’t know what ADHD is it’s useless. There is no point to driving an hour each way just to vent.

I know what adult ADHD is. I learned much from Is It You Me Or Adult ADD? I read the articles. I know where the problems, emotions, etc. are coming from, but I’m still at the end of my rope.