Your life described sounds very difficult and even futile. Please do not trust your and the well-being of your family to a chat forum. Find a reputable psychologist, BOTH husband and wife take a battery of tests for all psychological disorders, get treatment, do the treatment, then reassess your happiness in 3, YES THREE, years. Best wishes. PS Get the kids tested ad well. Not verbal testing, BTW. Written, oral, all of them. Be a man.