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I have pondered this question often. I’ve had a diagnosis for 5 years. I was diagnosed as an adult.
It is hard for me to separate the two things. Identity and adhd. In fact I dont anymore. I repel people. I have always been that way. If I didn’t have my adhd to blame things on I would go back to a spiral of self hatred. That is not to say that I blame my adhd and move on. I continue working on managing my symptoms and using all of the strategies I have learned. It’s just that some days after not having a friend to call or talk to or reply to an email I need to have something to cling to. Something that lets me know that it isn’t that I’m not worth being around or knowing or just plain unlikable. I’m just different and that is okay.