Reply To: If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you?

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Spouses & Loved Ones If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you? Reply To: If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you?

#84736
C1957
Participant

There is no window or door we can open, look through and see the future. When our ADD partner is thrilling us with their attention at the beginning, that’s our joy. We cling to the disbelief of having found someone who we matter so very much to.

Who in their right mind would not do that all over again?

The problems start…the nagging, the disappointments, the imbalances about managing finances, the loneliness, the lies you tell yourself and others because you want to “save face” and appear to be in a happy marriage.

I have lived a forthright life. I fulfilled obligations I committed myself to. I have been kind. I have been generous. I was obedient to a power higher than myself that encouraged loving my neighbor as myself.

I married a man who committed himself to that same higher power.

So now, 25 years later after experiencing 75% of every negative thing mentioned in the above posts, I feel I would marry my husband again. I think what he expressed in the beginning was real. I believe that his commitment to the thought of treating others as he would want to be treated will be the anchor that keeps us from completely drifting apart.

My commitment to that basic principle is what will keep me from stabbing him to death in his sleep ( which I want to do 6 nights out of 7 )

We are all imperfect. Don’t give up on yourself. Your ADD partner might benefit from simply applying the principle of “do unto others”.

Our struggles with these partners are struggles with these partners. There will be struggles with the next partner and you will struggle at times alone.

In my opinion those are the choices.