I am totally right there with you in all that! I know exactly how it feels to be so out of whack, and to want everyone to shut the hell up and leave you alone! And when people try to take the conversation in another direction while youre struggling to get the words out of your head, especially when there any emotion involved! Sheesh, its like ADHD makes us look like idiots and assholes at the same time but you know what? Everybody who cares about us or has seen us at our best (it happens more often than you think) knows that were are not idiotic assholes!
Our minds work differently and thats ok. So what if we take a long time to do things that other people do quickly? That just means we learn faster and can help other people learn too. And so what if we loose stuff and forget things? We are resourceful and resilient and can get by with “less than ideal” more easily than others.. because we’re used to it! Thats probably something your military husband loves about you, your resilience & resourcefulness!
We tend to be really hard on ourselves because no one really seems knows our potential but us, and that can be maddening! But you are NOT the biggest loser in the world, you are just a round peg trying to fit into a square hole. Dont be so hard on yourself! And I know, I know youre probably saying “but if Im not hard on myself, how will I motivate myself to do better?” like I do.. Well at a certain point, the anxiety that is caused by the shame an guilt you inflict on yourself contributes to your symptoms! For years an years I beat myself up to the point of being almost suicidal (thank god my son was here to keep me on this earth) and finally after I stopped looking at all the things I failed at and started really trying to focus on what was good about me, and what I had learned, and what I could DO with all that I had learned.