Reply To: HS son still refusing school-when do I say enough is enough?

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#84404
dmu1970
Participant

Penny –

“Why in the world is the school holding his electronics? Are they school issued? If your family owns them they have ZERO right to have them or control them. I’ve never heard of such a thing. I have no words…”

So this was actually a mutually agreed thing – we own the electronics but they offered to keep them at the school so he didn’t try to find them here in the house – that is something he would try to do – find them and use them without us knowing. They also came up with the idea of losing them for 10 days the next time he skipped school -which at the time I agreed to. We were at our wits end over all the school he had missed and over his recent inpt psych admission (he has depression and anxiety and oppositional defiant disorder in addition to his adhd) and I was concerned that part of what was going on with him was related to possible electronics addiction. There is strong family hx of addiction issues and he has a lot of the signs of them. At that time I was actually telling school I thought maybe we should remove them completely. I mean if you are addicted to drugs you don’t keep them in the house do you ? But they thought that was a bit too much which my own therapist agreed with. We were just desperate …….

So there was a little more going on there than maybe I had explained. That being said I realize now that it was stupid and that’s why when he refused to go to school on Monday and they responded by telling me to bring the electronics in on my way to work and they would lock them up again I told them absolutely not – that we are never doing that again.

“Yes, taking away the things he actually gets enjoyment out of in life will only make him give up trying at all.”

This is what he tells us ALL THE TIME. He tells us – if you take away my electronics you realize I will only get more depressed? And that’s what happens.

” And if it hasn’t changed the school behavior it isn’t going to (it never would have). There’s an issue (or many) that are not being addressed and so his brain has chosen flight and freeze.”

And that is exactly right – it didnt’ change the behavior and as far as the underlying issues being addressed ? He has a language disorder which includes difficulty with vocabulary – when he was evaluated by speech pathologist years ago and diagnosed they recommended services and school of course denied it because he wasn’t having problems at the time. So over the last few years when things have become harder, especially this year, I have mentioned the language d/o several times in meetings but somehow they always gloss right on over that. And the ‘flight and freeze’ part ? I actually bought Jerome Schultz’s book you had recommnended and I even sent them a huge paragraph from the book which included this specific quote. I got an email back saying “why don’t we meet in person”.

“This school is obviously very toxic for him. If it’s a public school, I’d be filing a discrimination claim with the US Office of Civil Rights right now. ”

So here is what i want to know now – would you still consider the discrimination claim ?

Denise