Reply To: HS son still refusing school-when do I say enough is enough?

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#84343
ADHDinPGH
Participant

I also just have to say, reading that the guidance counselor and special ed instructors want to handle him themselves so he can “feel the consequences” turns my stomach and I can almost guarantee that isn’t going to work. First of all, it insinuates that they understand your child better than you do, which it sounds like they don’t. If they think taking away his electronics will modify his behavior, they do not understand ADHD. To bring it back to the “time isn’t linear” point, consequences for ADHD-related defiance should be immediate and impactful. If they are long-term (10 days is an eternity at 17) then there is no light at the end of the tunnel so why modify your behavior at all?

Your son needs you to be his biggest cheerleader. He needs to know you are in his corner, that you hear him and you are doing your best to understand him, and that if he can articulate what he thinks MIGHT work, that you will go to bat for him. You need to be his ally in this, and it sounds like you are truly trying to do that. Don’t let doctors or teachers bully you about what is best for him. As a young adult, if he says distance learning is best for him then trust him. It gives him practice in making major life choices but also will give him confidence knowing that you trust him and that you know he is self-aware.

Be aware that with distance learning, he will still need to maintain some kind of regular schedule to get work done, even if that means every night at 6pm he does some or that he takes a set break for an hour or something mid day.

I’ve had many guidance counselors and even mental health professionals who thought because of their degrees, they knew best, but because they didn’t understand the nuances of ADHD their advice was offbase at best and sometimes downright damaging. This is again why an ADHD specialist AND a coach are extremely helpful.

Sorry for another long reply, I just empathize so much with your son’s situation that I can *feel* all those high school emotions coming back and my heart just aches for him. Darn non-linear time experiences!