Reply To: The hours I squander…

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#84202
jonthegm
Participant

The best advice I can give is to be compassionate with yourself.

You need to be able to listen to yourself more clearly if you want to improve how much “work” you get done at home. I’m still not good at this, but what helps me is to take a moment, acknowledge what I’m doing evaluate how it makes me feel, and then continue.

Sometimes, I notice the stories I’m telling myself.

“If I stop watching tv/doing puzzles/reading/video games, I can’t stop myself from thinking about stressful thing X.”

“I am a failure if I don’t do the dishes.”

“It’s not helpful to just do some of my chores.”

And so on…

The key insight is that these are (most of the time) just stories. They aren’t true or false in any real sense. They’re just things your brain is thinking. AND THATS OK! Most people think thoughts like this! Maybe us ADHD people do it faster? Who cares? The key is noticing when your brain has latched onto one of these stories and digs in and starts driving your emotions to get some adaptation you’ve built into motion.

For me, these patterns tend to drop me into anxiety mode to use the (unpredictable) focusing fuel of andrenaline. Or they send me to something I can hyper focus on to drive any difficult emotion stuff back under.

Neither one is particularly sustainable, so I’ve been working hard on just trying to be honest and kind to myself. This is nearly impossible sometimes! It’s been getting a little easier, though. This _is_ something you can train.

This is the true route to happiness. What good is accountability if you’re going to rip yourself apart when you stray from the path. And this failure WILL happen! If you were able to change how you do things overnight you would have done it the moment you first thought “should”. Make your life better by giving yourself permission to fail.