Reply To: Dating a Man with ADHD — my anxiety has spiked, seeking advice please.

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pce42
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ADHD folks – I’m reaching out to seek your advice. After breaking up with John I’m running into some serious emotional issues with him. Right after the break-up he acted like nothing was different and continued to comment and like on both my FaceBook and Instagram. He was actually messaging me quite a bit. I ended up removing him from FaceBook and Instagram do to this. I explained to him I thought it would be healthier to do so and he got very upset and feared this was the beginning of the end of a friendship with me. I told him I just needed space and it wasn’t healthy for ME to see what he’s up to or for HIM to see what I’m up to.

He went home for the weekend for mothers day, when he got back, he wanted to talk. I told him I didn’t want to get upset right before bed but I’d talk to him. TWO hours later…I was consoling him as he broke down completely sobbing about how he’s confused what went wrong and that he thinks we are soulmates. He made several other comments like I’ll be a hard one to top, he feels broken and weak, he isn’t going to be mentally okay after this, and he doesn’t know what direction to take in life.

I on the other hand, was able to contain MOST of my tears because I knew if I fell apart like he was it would make everything that much worse. I was very level headed and told him he had a lot to look forward to and that it just didn’t work out. He wanted to know if there was hope of getting back together in the future. The more time I have away from him the more I realize there is not, so I told him we are broke up for a reason.

He also mentioned a lot of stressors when he was back home this weekend with family so I think that’s part of it too. I ended up deactivating my FaceBook account since I removed around 30 mutual connections we had. It’s more difficult for me to have people on my social media who I don’t interact with who are connected to him. I don’t want to know through the what he’s doing, etc. it doesn’t mean I don’t like those people, it means we didn’t have that good enough of a relationship for me to be like well, I think I’ll really miss them on my feed. I told him to never settle and not to ever be with anyone who put him down (he told me I’m the only person hes ever been with whose been as loving, caring, and kind to him and who hasn’t called him names or put him down…)

SO. He apologized for burdening me, and after two hours of this I said I needed to get some rest and he did too. I’ve been really trying to be there for him and console him and even told him maybe that’s not a good idea, he insists my presence is helpful for him. He’s definitely making it much harder for both of us. I just worry about him. He is planning on being out of the house within the next 3 weeks. I messaged him this weekend telling him if he couldn’t handle staying in the house, he should move out this week. He’s acting like we aren’t split up. He also called me babe last night.

My question for you is (those with ADHD/ADD OR those who’ve been with someone with ADHD/ADD)…is this typical emotional behavior? I mean, he’s not handling this well at all, which I don’t expect him to. I on the other hand have been circling for 6 months so it’s not as devastating to me at the moment. I explained his ADD heightened my anxiety and that was another reason I wanted to break-up. He said he’s really trying and that he’s been going to therapy. (which he has…) but, at this point, I feel like I’m exhausted 24/7. I’ve been getting abdominal pain, sleep has been dull, I’m just trying to get through the days lately and am constantly consumed with this relationship right now.

Thoughts/suggestions? Thanks all!