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I wish I had the magic answer. I have struggled with this and my daughter is almost 15. What has been sort of successful is giving her a reward if she releases her anger in a positive way. We have the 3 strike incentive. I asked her what is some thing she really wants, then that is the goal to work towards. It’s constant reminder when she starts to get heated. Our deal was 3 weeks and if she got three strikes she started over. I gave her three weeks cause if her age and she has more control than what your little guy probably has.
Maybe start daily and if he doesn’t hit or throw things he can have a special treat , like a ice cream for instance. If you decide to implement something like this make sure you sit down and explain in detail how it will work so he totally understands the rules.
Good luck , I totally feel your frustration and pain.