Reply To: Dating a Man with ADHD — my anxiety has spiked, seeking advice please.

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I’m checking in to let you guys know how things turned out. John did go see a doctor about two weeks ago, and they scheduled him to go back at the end of this month and again in June. I saw a new therapist recently and what she relayed back to me was that it sounded like based on how I was talking, we had several incompatibilities. She mentioned safety, family issues, and the ADD didn’t seem like good matches for me. I explained how for months I’ve felt foggy, depressed, and anxious. That I want to NOT feel this way and I questioned if my past with a “broken” family had anything to do with this. She said I’m extremely self reflective and didn’t see any warning signs that I was afraid of commitment, etc. SO. I broke up with him yesterday. I realized going to see a therapist to try and find answers now for about a 5th time, is a sign in and of itself. He was devastated but told me he understood I haven’t been myself for a long time and he’s been trying. I think he knew it was coming. We both kinda did, we just shoved it under the rug and hoped we could get through it.

I’ve honestly been pushing my intuition away because I think if this was a healthy match for me for a lifelong partner, I wouldn’t be questioning it EVERY SINGLE DAY for MONTHS on end. I’ve been ruminating for about 6 months now and wanted it to work SO bad, but neglected how I was feeling/what I was turning into. I’ve been stressed, bloated, anxious, sad, and super emotional. We love each other, we are amicable, but, it most certainly sucks when you care about someone so much and just can’t seem to shake off the “I should be happy feelings…” It’s hard for me to take him in certain social settings because his ADD kicks in full blast and he won’t stop talking. I feel his parents have failed him by not getting the treatment he very much has needed in his life. He would have benefited immensely from talk therapy I believe.

He told me I’ve been the only woman whose cared so much about him. That hurts to hear, and I’ve done nothing but tried to be super patient, understanding, and kind. I’m thankful I could help him in the direction of treatment, he really is a good person, which is why breaking up has been a huge drag and this really sucks. I told him the sooner he moved out, the better, because it would be too tough otherwise. I’m just in a fog right now, but I’m sure it’ll get better with time. He’s been texting me that it doesn’t seem right and that he can’t stop thinking about me. BUT, that’s not going to make either one of us get better.

Thanks for all of your support here, I appreciate everyone taking the time to respond.