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I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time with this. My humble opinion is this
1. You must be able to help yourself first!
I mean if you think about it why do even airplanes tell you to get your own mask on first? Then help the ones next to you. Same rule applies here. Your son needs you to be health first!
2. Respect his individuality, help him flourish it. I don’t know for sure but you both might have different struggles, coping, etc, in respect to the ADHD minds of yours.
3. Relate to him. I’m not at all implying that you don’t, or don’t know how. It just sounds like along with the ADHD he’s in a rough spot being 13. School, girls, puberty….
Please know I mean this with the utt most respect to you and your family. And with that said I think it is/was a brave thing to air you laundry this way. Good luck!