Gosh, I have to say, Patrick, that you have written two short but powerful sentences. You are right; it comes down to those two things. So why can’t I do what is best for myself? I can’t grow as a person in this relationship. And staying in it, I *am* denying the truth and a little part of me (maybe it’s a bigger part of me than I want to admit) dies. That is sad. It’s like that little spark and sweetness in him when things are good (which is about 20 percent of the time) keeps me from ending this relationship. That doesn’t seem right. Also, the fact that he really seems incapable of changing due to ADHD and some other issues — anxiety, and possible PTSD and early life trauma. I tell myself that it’s not that he won’t, it is that he can’t. He absolutely does not even see a problem.
This article was, for me, spot on: https://www.additudemag.com/too-much-drama-relationships/.
So, even though I know these things, why can’t I leave it?
BTW, he acknowledges the he has ADHD, but refuses to try meds, meditation, therapy or anything. He says he tried meds 20 years ago and they made him a zombie. I know that he was not working with an adult ADHD specialist. But he is unable to tell me what he took or for how long. Given my experience with him, he could have tried something for six weeks, six months or two years. (He once told me he’d been married for one year to a woman with whom he had been in a relationship for a total of 12 years. It turns out he was married to her for 7 years! He wasn’t lying; it’s just what he thought was true.)