Reply To: New to dating a guy with ADHD – Need advice

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nvbrooks
Participant

I am totally EXHAUSTED!!! I am a 39 year old woman dating a 29 year old man with ADHD. He is totally frustrating me. We have been together for 6 years. I have 2 sons who are now 11 & 14. My boyfriend does extremely odd (to me dumb) things all the time. Like looses keys, leave the garage door open, leave the bathroom water on, can’t wash dishes properly, never EVER finishes a task, doesn’t know how to fix ANYTHING. I have even woke up to my house door unlocked over night several times because he came in the house last. Trips over the kids stuff laying around the house, falls down stairs… You name it he has done it. He will leave things places – like go to our corner store and leave items. The store actually caters to this and calls him when he leaves something at the check out and will save it for him, ugh… He can’t hold conversations with other adults unless its about sports, god, or kids otherwise he sounds like an idiot. My kids totally see through him and think he’s an idiot. He steals my kids keys, everyone’s phone charger, I often see him wearing my kids socks and winter hats when he has his own! He is a MAN he should not be stealing/using my kids stuff. Every time I say something he’s asks me what did I say. Like I have to repeat everything to him. He is extremely delayed. I tell him to go right then he goes left, I tell him to go left then he goes right. He had a car that he could not afford from the inception of the loan and that got repoed. He is obsessed with working out and playing basketball because that is the only thing he is good at and gets compliments from. His body is a masterpiece but his brain DOES NOT function and he has a little head!!! He want’s a kid so bad but I will not have a kid with him because I am worried that my kid will do the same dumb shi! that he does. He has no children of his own. So to satisfy him wanting a kid I go out and buy a dog… He has been totally irresponsible with the dog and even mean to the dog. The dog actually hated him and he finally had to accept that and rebuild his relationship with the dog. He was only being mean to the dog because the dog would get into his stuff that he would have laying around. He has asked me to marry him several times and I finally told him to stop asking me until he can come with a ring. He has totally ruined his credit by being irresponsible. On the up side he is an extremely sweet guy and totally loves me and my kids. He is like Shaggy & Scooby Doo. He to me is equivalent to a Cave Man. I have asked him to get medicated and he doesn’t want to hear that. He always says sorry and expect that to fix things that he does or breaks. I feel as though he has no regard for the things he does. Door is left open over night – I guess that’s no big deal… Ugh…
At this point he feels like he is a man and wants to be respected and treated like a man.
I told him that I don’t care what he does/F’s up until it affects the family or the house. I don’t care what he does to hisself – break his stuff, loose his stuff, etc… But he still can’t understand that!
What can him and/or I do to salvage this relationship?
On top of the ADHD he had lead poison as a kid…
I used to yell at him a lot. For the last 3 years I worked on being nicer to him. I do not yell at him. I try my hardest to use tender words. I try to explain things to him. In return he is just extremely frustrated and now yells a lot. He yells at me, the kids, the dog, the tress, the wind, anything you can think of frustrates him.

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 4 months ago by nvbrooks.