You’ve probably heard the phrase: Oppositional Defiant. I find that I become this way when forced to do most anything. Some kind of
weird inner dignity pops up (to my own amazement!)…that makes me want to say NO!
I believe in cooperation but I don’t believe in being CO-OPTED. I have ADD and have an inordinate need to be self directed and to do things when I’m “in the mood.”
For me, it is like “catching a wave” to ride the big one into shore.
I encourage you to read the book: You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy. It helped me understand my disorder and come to terms with things.
Also, the right medication made a huge difference.
For instance, before any medication (I was in my mid-40’s!)…I couldn’t use a hair dryer successfully. I couldn’t play croquet, I couldn’t bowl except endless gutter balls. These things required a kind of coordination that my brain couldn’t master.
Within a few days of being on Wellbutrin (though I’ve since changed to something gentler for me: generic Lexipro)…..I was suddenly able to learn to use the
hairdryer and brush at the same time. Some kind of inner coordination system HAD NOT BEEN HOOKED UP FOR ME!
Speaking of hooking up….check into Brain Gym….it is a form of kinesthesiology…they are centered in California and have some books and workshops. Those were helpful to me too!
The word STRUGGLE in the middle name of a person like me. Each day I struggle to get the dishes done (though I know we need clean dishes and I have resorted to paper plates more often than my ecologically oriented nature would prefer)….and struggle to sweep the floor …and many days these don’t get done. I(OMG and the world doesn’t come to an end! And it isn’t so pretty around here…so sorry! Those hoarding shows are probably full of people with ADD issues).
The part of my brain that works well can write a beautiful song in 5 minutes. (I did it at 7 years old just as easily).
The part of my brain that works well can write a poem, or create a play, or find a way to heal someone of a misunderstanding in their lives….but
it isn’t VISIBLE and MEASURABLE and DESIRABLE to the linear, left brained world.
It seems you are yelling at your “DEAF” son for not being able to hear your words. In truth, he can’t HEAR (let in and apply) your desires. You might as well ask
a spider to make a lemon pie. (Dr. Suess wrote a great story about this many years ago).
I am great with self-directed, self-motivated, small energy burst events.
When he was younger, did you see him use great gusto to make a fort? Or to build a go-cart?
He doesn’t need the college experience in the way you think he does. He needs a happier family experience.
Having ADD is hard enough without feeling hated by your family. We beat ourselves up enough anyway.
He might also benefit from cranial sacral therapy. I had a big breakthrough with that one time. (I was a forceps delivery and this can cause long term brain issues).
It doesn’t work for everyone, but it could be helpful.
He may be hyper-sensitive and want to retreat. I can’t stand noisy places like TGIF bars, or sports events, or even living in an apartment that shares walls and “energy” with neighbors.
We live in the country on a few acres back from the highway and this is one of the few places I can rest and relax and restore myself.
Many kids with Sensory Processing Disorder (and he may have it too), do well in a closet with headphones, in the dark to keep out excessive input. It is like the whole world is constantly SCREAMING at US!
I am a world class clairvoyant and have been professionally tested and written about in a book by Judith Pennington: Your Psychic Soul. My brain waves are unique which is why I can do what I do professionally. But it is also why I cannot do “normal stuff” to please the rest of you with much success. (They are detailed in her book). It is possible your son has similar unique brain waves and struggles with the basics but is off the charts in other areas.
My last point: My anthropology teacher asked the question: “Would it serve the world to have all mongoloid children euthanized at birth since they are not so intelligent?” He said NO! The world might become so stressful, that they alone would be able to manage the overwhelm successfully and be the only ones who could survive on this planet.
Your boy may be an “indigo child.” (Hypersensitive and aware to things you know not of).
There is a book by Marci Calhoun: Are You Really Too Sensitive?
I suspect your son may fall into that category.
It is a double edged sword. “What is wrong with me is what is right with me.”
Again, I implore you to watch the movie, Temple Grandin. It is deeply eye-opening. Every time I watch it (and it has been at least 5 times), I cry.
Because I feel validated and understood in a way that I find no where else.
Did I mention that I accurately predicted where Skylab fell in l979: Perth, Australia. It is documented in the newspaper on my website.
I met a NASA scientist who told me “they had no idea where it would land.” But I got it from a dream.
Life is full of mysteries and your son is one of them.
Love and blessings,