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…I got tested [and] she told the psychologist that even though I may have ADHD, there are times when I’m genuinely just lazy and don’t try hard enough.”

“I‘m in the last year of my law degree (which is the top priority for her)…”

“She felt that I should be concentrating on…”

Wow. Pardon me for being so blunt in the asking, but is this your wife or your mother we’re talking about here? Sounds like you have an entirely different level of ’issues‘ going on in that relationship, which you would be dealing with even if you didn’t have ADHD (while implications of ADHD clearly brings it to the surface).

With that in mind, might it be that your wife does not actually want for you to have a legitimate reason for what she may otherwise prefer to interpret as moral failing? If it’s moral failing then she can see herself as justified in her own self-interested behavior toward you, which doesn’t appear to be very supportive (of you, not you-for-her).

Sorry, this just sounds way too familiar to me (btdt), and I feel for you. A man really needs for his wife to be his friend and to have his back. The whole ADHD struggle is much harder when it feels like this person is on ’the other side‘ staring down at him along with the rest of the world – especially when you are just now becoming aware of this about yourself and are in need of understanding while you try to figure it all out.

At the end of the day a guy can really feel like he is knocking himself out to be and do in accordance with what everybody else in the world thinks he ought to – including his wife, who might seem to believe that he is there primarily for her – to hell with what he thinks and feels about himself and his own life. ADHD aside, just being seen and treated like that can really tick a guy off.

Well, it‘s not sustainable, that‘s for sure. Rather, it‘s a very big, dangerous bomb ticking to go off – and it will, sooner or later.