Reply To: Is it ADD or is he an A$$

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Parents Teens & Young Adults Is it ADD or is he an A$$ Reply To: Is it ADD or is he an A$$


I am very insulted that anyone would think I not supportive of my child. I have been his biggest advocate since kindergarten when he struggled for the first time. It took 8 years of testing and doctors to determine he had ADD. I have defended him to angry teachers, administrators and the like. But my post is about frustration. More directed at the false hope of getting well. The neurologist says he will grow out of it. The psychologist says he needs to make it a priority to change and 5 alarm clocks. The psychiatrist says he needs more medicine and to grow up. My sons says he needs nothing. He is tired of help.

We have struck a deal, son has to go to the psychologist/coach each week and we will not hassle him about school work, his room, his eating habits. But getting up for school and work is a non negotiable. If I am paying tuition, because he says he wants a degree, it is reasonable to expect he go on time. It is not like when we were in school and you could cut class and still get an “a” if you turn in work. Attendance can count for 25% of a grade.

If after 8 years of coaching and scaffolding we can’t get past getting up on time, there is more than ADD. Of course colleges have learning resources. In fact, I sent him to a high school that specializes in learning differences. We have been coached as a family- we provide support and encouragement but we are at the end of our ropes. We had him re-assessed so that he could use the disability services at college. But, that only works if you show up to your resource appointments, remember to tell instructors you have extended time or go the writing center. ADHDx2, your child is 14, you have no idea what is ahead and how college is a huge struggle on their way to “adulting”.

When your children are in grade school through high school you can be the empathetic parent because the schools have to keep them enrolled, you can rely on the system to help and make sure they graduate – everyone involved has the same end game. As a parent goal is to have your child be self sufficient productive member of society. But in the real world of work and college, every person needs to find the drive to be better and master life skills. Do you want your child to have 17 jobs by the time they are 30? There are plenty of successful people with ADHD, so I know some people have the determination to change. But if I don’t provide the scaffolding – even now that he in 20, he will fail and he will be depressed. It is a vicious cycle.

My point is that with all this help, why is he refusing to use the tools and resources. It makes me wonder if its a different problem Why is it on this forum no one has any success stories. What actually works????