Hi hun. Serena here, 31yr old female, diagnosed late 2016. Unfortunately I don’t have much time to reply right now, but I relate SO frikken much to your story I just had to quickly log in and let you know what I think, because I truly do feel for you.
Sadly, it’s been everyone around you. Your family hammered into you how careless and disrespectful you are – when that’s not the case at all. I am more than sure that your loved ones would never have wanted to do this to you on purpose – but the word is SHAME. They made you feel shame.
Shame is *the* most crippling feeling one can have in my opinion (google shame in relation to adhd – or even to depression & anxiety (if you suffer from those at all) but yeah the word is shame. You are not guilty at all. You’re innocent…you’re innocent to why you were doing things, why things were happening that you apparently did (despite not doing it on purpose or weren’t even aware what was going on), and you were taught to feel guilty about them! (Losing items, forgetting important things etc.
“Normal” people don’t just lose or forget things without SOME sort of knowledge about it – so they just CANNOT understand that it’s even possible to have the same thing happen for someone else, in any other way. This also isn’t exactly their fault. HAD your parents KNOWN about the adhd, they’d’ve been able to arm themselves with information, recognise your creative strengths and practical weaknesss, & nurture the right parts of your personality to help you grow into a proud and self assured young man.
Having felt guilty like you said, about things you’d DONE…it just isn’t true. I feel so sad that you’ve live with this guilt. Your intentions were not malicious, egotistical or purposely hurtful or neglectful to other people or other things.
Just help educate your girlfriend and your family…and yourself! This site is amazing. Print out articles and helpful things for them to help understand you and how they can also get the best out of you. Print articles to help yourself work out strategies for prioritising. Keeping things in their place, and having stuff planned out.
Have you ever heard of a “Dot Journal?” Or “Bullet Journal”? I strongly suggest you Google that too… it could save your life! The creator of the whole “idea” is named Ryder Carroll. He has a website (which I can’t remember the name of exactly, so google it please! ✨)
I’m reading info on it by a girl named Rachel Wilkerson Miller atm as I’m doing mine…and I tell you.. It’s been a hard road getting me into the swing of actually DOING IT – but oh my god. Seriously – lifesaver! And you seem like the creative type too. You make it entirely yourself, the way YOU want it. There’s no rules and it keeps your whole life in less space than anything else (you’ll get what u mean once you see it) maybe go to Ryder’s site. I think there’s a quick video on the main homepage of his site. Otherwise YouTube will show you haha. YouTube knows everything! I find it just as handy as google, cause that way I don’t have to read so many articles, I can listen to it (and watch if necessary), otherwise I can be doing something else while it’s on ☺️ Like writing.
Now look I know this is going to have 739474963 spelling and grammatical errors, but like I said I’m under a time crunch (and am currently 3hrs over GOD i kneeeew i shouldn’t have opened safari 🤦🏼♀️ Mum is on my back about how I haven’t moved from this spot in 5hours (gosh I’m starving to be honest too, but too busy)
…..and I just NEEDED to try to help you 🙏🏻 ☺️💕✨ Wow I hope this had made at least a little bit of sense so that you at least get SOMETHING out of it 🙏🏻 you’re too young, too smart and too on the ball to let yourself get caught up in guilt (that I feel was put on you) …despite however unintentional, ok?
And you can always come back here. This place is like a family- you’re already one of us and we already know you ☺️❤️🙏🏻✨
I hope as time goes on you begin to grow and know yourself more – and we’ll be happy to witness you win at your own life 💪🏻
Ok I’m out!
Take Care, Talk soon.
Let me know how you go ok?
Love Serena 😊 xoxo
• Dot/Bullet Journal (Ryder Carroll/Rachel Wilkerson Miller)