Reply To: lonely College Life


Hi Ella!

I read your post very early in the morning yesterday, and I have to say, it broke my heart. First, I’m imagining you typing your post — as a college student at 1 a.m….and I’m thinking of my own daughter, as I can imagine this scenario for her. She would be a freshman this year herself if she were not taking a gap year … and yet another next year due to issues with ADHD and health/joint problems. My daughter also has social anxiety, and it is very hard for her to make …and keep “connections” with the RIGHT people. I say the “right” people, because she had what she THOUGHT were “friends” who completely let her down in the last couple of years of high school. They just couldn’t understand some of her anxieties and basically ended up telling her to “suck it up” and deal … real nice, right? At any rate, it is important for you to remember that you are NOT ALONE in this. I’m sure there are others — even if you haven’t found them yet — that feel the same. My daughter is a cello player (and a “science girl” herself — also considering archeology and/or anthropology as a career…), and was part of our local youth symphony for years, and attended many summer camp programs specifically meant for students who are really serious about playing. Because of her anxiety, one of the schools she attended for their 3-week program (for 2 summers in a row) allowed for her to have a single room. Unfortunately, she found this to not be such a good idea because she found that those that roomed with others actually had an easier time making connections, so, I can truly see your dilemma! For her, she’s realized that those connections come much easier with like-minded people. Certainly, that would be the case with your major. It is sad that the others in your major are housed separately, in what sounds like an unsafe place! (That is probably the reason they have them paired together — safety in numbers!) It sounds to me like maybe the college is suggesting that you cannot “fit” (i.e. – no room for you…) in the dorm with your friend because it may be meant more for students with health issues/disabilities. I see that you said you have dyslexia. Keep in mind that with that challenge, you are able to get assistance from the college. If they are federally funded, they should have an office for students with disabilities. If I were you, I’d make an appointment to meet with someone there and explain your problem. Even though dyslexia isn’t a “physical/mobility” challenge per se, just like ADHD, I’m sure it comes with it’s own issues. You could also speak with a counselor to get advice/assistance. ADHD and anxiety can lead to lack of self-esteem and feelings of isolation, leading to depression (and did in my daughter’s case). If they see the potential seriousness of the situation, they would not want to place someone feeling low in such a situation. I think they should make an exception and allow you and your friend to room together — there has to be a way! I have spent a significant amount of time advocating for both of my ADHD kids, especially when it comes to school, so, don’t hesitate to get your parents involved if need be. Of course, there may be challenges there too (since you are now an “adult”), but your parents can help, with your permission. No matter what, keep your chin up and you will eventually find your way! Don’t let any rude comments get you down, although I KNOW it is hard and it is hurtful. Sometimes I think maybe people don’t even really mean what they are saying — maybe they were just commenting that they “noticed” you were alone. Or MAYBE they should jump in and HELP you NOT BE ALONE! 🙂 If they were truly being rude, you don’t need them anyway. Again, lesson learned for my daughter herself. She realized that those “friends” of hers weren’t really friends, because REAL FRIENDS support you! I hope this works out for you, and hope you will post again! At some point, my daughter plans on college and we’ll be dealing with very similar issues. I wish you the best of luck!

Take care,