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You’re right… it has to be a balance. Consequences in the realm of punishments don’t typically work for kids with ADHD, because they don’t address and improve the reason the behavior happened in the first place. For instance, a child with ADHD crumples up his math worksheet and says he won’t do the homework. You could punish him for that, but the same behavior will happen again next time he experiences the same trigger. Instead, be a detective and determine WHY he isn’t willing to do the math worksheet. Is it too overwhelming? Does he feel like it will take “forever” due to poor awareness of time? Is he still overwrought and exhausted from school? Is he hungry? Does he has an undiagnosed learning disability that makes it more difficult? Are his siblings and friends playing while he’s having to do homework? There are many reasons why this could be happening, but punishment won’t resolve any of them.
Does that make sense?
Plus, the ADHD brain is motivated by interest and urgency, but NOT importance, like a neurotypical brain.
This article outlines a great approach to behavior issues:
ADDitude Community Moderator, Author & Trainer on Parenting ADHD, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism