Reply To: Son's Birthday

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Honestly, it isn’t just your son’s ADHD on this one. And it isn’t the other parent’s kids, either. It’s the other parents. I’m a volunteer, old homeschool mom, and kid’s advocate who has been working with children for many years – hence, I’m around them constantly and have been for many years. Also, my husband has ADHD, my daughter (20) has ADHD, and my son (8) has ADHD.

Kids forgive and forget quickly. (The only exception to this is that if your son has been a severely and repeatedly nasty bully to them, which in most cases, is just not accurate.) If you ask a group of kids, even if they’ve been wronged by your child in the past, “Hey you want to go to so-and-so’s birthday party?” You will get an overwhelming “YES!” Even if they’re “iffy” about your son, they’d still want to come because birthday parties are FUN for them. There’s candy and cake and games and they’re so excited to go!!! And they’re flattered that the got asked to go!

…Their parents? Not so much. First of all, they may not know anyone. That puts all the pressure of them having to come away from their phones, and actually have a face-to-face conversation with a total stranger – not fun for them. Second, overall, this generation of parents are very self-absorbed, and lazy, even to the expense of their kids. (The reason I say that, being almost 50 myself, I’ve seen several decades of parenting styles and since the 70’s parenting behaviors have changed so much.) If THEY don’t feel like going – putting out the effort to get dressed, get their kids dressed, driving over to someone’s house, then refer back to “First Point,” AND they have to do this on their time off from work?? – they won’t take their kids, regardless of how much their own child is begging to go to a birthday party. Third, if their child did happen to get in a confrontation with your ADHD child in the past, THEY refuse to forgive and forget. I’ve seen this behavior from both religious and non-religious alike. So if this WAS a deal where one or two times your child had an ADHD moment and said or did something they wish they wouldn’t have, parents remember. They don’t want to put out time, effort, and money (for a present) to a child who dares to insult their own little baby – NOW they care with their selective outrage how their child feels.

You can’t win with this one. But there are families out there that have been through this, and unfortunately, it’s a common experience. If you have family members with kids, or friends with kids, try to get them to go. Birthday parties aren’t what they used to be when I was a kid. At a minimum, parents may make an effort if their child is a kindergartener – but do not expect it!

I’ve personally handled it this way: BRING THE PARTY TO THE KIDS DIRECTLY. If they have their friends at school, talk to the school and bring in candy, activities, and cupcakes. If their friends are through an after school activity, bring it there. DON’T MAKE THE MISTAKE OF DEALING WITH THE PARENTS – YOU WON’T GET THE RESULTS YOUR CHILD IS LOOKING FOR!

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by kboltz.