Reply To: 13yo son = household chaos

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omg. my place is usually a disastrous pigsty! it’s embarrassing. i think it’s true they don’t “see” the mess or maybe it doesn’t bother them as much. my daughter is a walking tornado. her room is disgusting. it’s like a trash compactor under her bed and closet and just as bad everywhere else. i can’t even begin to describe it. last year, it took me and four friends for days to clear out and clean up. i got rid of about 90% of her clothes (she did have lots) and spent hours organizing. not long afterwards, it was getting messy again! i don’t even know how it gets so messy. i don’t know how she can sleep in her messy bed and i’ve even found food etc under her pillow and spilled snacks, concoctions of i don’t know what all mixed together in cups and mugs in different parts of her room, items strung together, tied together and put into bags and drawers here and there. i find things spilled everywhere and find utensils, baking supplies etc. i’m still missing my cookie sheet and one beater from my hand mixer among other things. rotting food and unrecognizable food in lunch containers shoved in the back of her dresser and mixed into dirty (or clean?) laundry. with my daughter, it’s not only the add, she’s also got that crazy scientist, creative artist brain and just generates mess! she just can’t make a simple hot chocolate, it becomes a major production and then leaves the mess! now that she is 13 (turning 14 in june) add in the attitude, rudeness, huge defiance, temper tantrums and meltdowns are bigger and even scary. i believe she has the odd comorbid with add but at school for the most part or in front of friends, she doesn’t exhibit these toxic behaviours as much as at home. the verbal abuse is bad. she has a resource block at school that she hates and says that she doesn’t need (she does need it badly). without it, i know nothing would be handed in and she’d be failing. she’s had to re-do so many assignments because they all get misplaced and lost. at least there is someone on the school side helping to keep her on track which is so helpful, and i follow up at home. it’s exhausting. ever since she’s been little she just takes off when she gets mad and this impulsiveness has led to the police getting involved. it’s still a fight for her to take her medication every morning. so now, instead of fighting with her and running to work late, i let the school know if she didn’t take it and she’s supposed to take it in front of the resource teacher who has some. lately, i found out she’s been spitting it out b/c she doesn’t like that it kills her appetite and she wants to eat. i have to administer it one at a time because she’s dumped the whole container in the garbage before. for chores, i’ve made many lists and tried to list it out by day. i restrict her internet access or simply just take away the laptap or tablet. she is hooked on instagram and would be on it all day if she could. she has no sense of time and then gets angry if i tell her to get off it. a couple weeks ago she broke the hard drive on the laptop when she got mad and slammed the lid down then pounded on it. she says it’s not her fault (blame blame blame) because her brother made her mad and i made. her mad. her older brother doesn’t have adhd but is not any better in terms of attitude and behaviour lately which directly affects his sister, and me too. then there’s the whole issue of screen time. don’t even get me started! the house is usually in a state of chaos because of my daughter’s messes or because of things getting trashed due to tantrums or both. i don’t clean up after that anymore and make them do it since they’re both old enough, after they’ve calmed down. my daughter used to not care if friends saw the house or her room but i think very recently she does care somewhat because she said she didn’t want her friend to come over because of her room. anyways, tip of the iceberg. i feel for you all. you are not alone and in reading this it helps me to feel i’m not so alone either. so thank you all for sharing. my kids are literally killing me.