ADwhat – I am the ADD husband. I was diagnosed 15 yrs ago at 35 – we’ll be married 25 yrs this summer. Luckily, I have not had the struggles of maintaining employment (I have been teaching 24 yrs now). However, we have had the real struggles in our relationship that you seem to have. I have had monumental struggles with follow through and inattention, with the real defensiveness and shame that often comes with it. This has brought us to the brink quite a few times during our marriage – I’m rarely aware of it until it’s almost too late.
I’ve taken meds throughout, but thought that would be enough. It’s only the last 18 months or so that I got serious about treatment, as well. I’ve found a really good therapist, and that seems to have me going in the right direction. I still have my moments (ADD never goes away!), but I feel like more of a partner than a 3rd child (we have a 19 yr old son and 16 yr old daughter).
Your continued support and love means more than you know! The shame that comes from us realizing that we have dropped the ball again in our relationships is overpowering and debilitating. That being said, he needs to find a way to at least follow through with treatment. It took me some time – and I still have struggles. But both the immediate results, as well as the ongoing process are well worth it!
One thing for you – allow yourself the space to do things to care for yourself. Whether it be scheduled alone time, time with friends, a spa day – things that give you energy for when things are rough. And he needs to let you! Then, I hope you can also find those ways to connect together – we’re so much better when we feel/know we’re a partner! It sounds like you really love each other – hold on to that! I’m so grateful that my wife does, and did not give up when she had every right to. There is help out there – I wish you both the best on wherever this journey takes you…