Reply To: Hyperfocusing on people?

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mermaid25
Participant

This is so weird you posted this because I swear I was just asking myself the same thing not even three days ago. I recently got dis-engaged (4 months) as I like to call it and also recently diagnosed ADHD. I remember when him and I first met almost 3years ago from the first day we meet we were never apart with in 30 days he proposed and bought me 4000 ring so yeah that’s hyper-focusing hardcore but I remember from past experiences and current ones that I I dreaded dating because I always want the person to like me and so many dudes play mind games of pretending to like you and I hate trying to figure out a guys intentions, I read and analyze everything and it makes and drives me crazy I’d rather not even date because the stress it causes me isn’t worth the pay off. What I’ve been trying to make this better , since as of this past Monday my counselor thinks I need to at least try to date … Anyhow I’ve come to find that if I don’t make assumptions it helps. …meaning I can’t tell someone else how they feel about me, I shouldn’t try to anticipate their every move. sometimes things are just as they are and I have to accept that. With men especially if they like you, you’ll know and you have to have enough self esteem to accept that yes someone can actually like you and just for who you are.
Before I pretended to elude confidence, but the reality was I never believed anyone would ever love me for who I am because I’m just too different and I got issues. By me realizing yes I got issues but No that doesn’t mean that I’m meant to be alone has helped. Also Me being honest as difficult as it is with the types of people I’ve tried to date. Writing out a list of traits you want and values you want your spouse to have can help as well because when I loose focus I redirect myself to what my ultimate goal is and the values an attitude I need him to have for me to have an successful happy functional relationship. Also I try not to create scenarios in my mind , I try to live in the moment and I don’t set expectations to set myself up for failure, I know it’s easier said than done. But since I’ve tried changing the way I think , it’s helped my reactions and interactions with dating and the whole I want you to like me while I figure out if I like you process go a little smoother. good luck wish me some too I need it lol dating 2018 sucks!