Reply To: Dating a Man with ADHD — my anxiety has spiked, seeking advice please.

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Adults Relationships Dating a Man with ADHD — my anxiety has spiked, seeking advice please. Reply To: Dating a Man with ADHD — my anxiety has spiked, seeking advice please.

#81375
pce42
Participant

Adele – I’m so glad you’re doing better! I don’t see anything wrong with plowing driveways, and having a cat is an added bonus, ha! : ) The human mind can really take us on an emotional roller coaster and that’s where I’m at right now.

Keypher – The twin is part of the reason we are having issues. He’s currently engaged to a very controlling, jealous, manipulative woman. I went to give him a hug on their birthday, and he didn’t touch me and looked petrified as his fiancé looked on. It was the most uncomfortable, embarrassing, heartbreaking experience I’ve had in a while. He’s clearly unhappy but because he had a one night stand with his fiancé and got her pregnant, I think he feels “stuck.” There are several examples of their rude behavior. He deleted me off of snapchat after us 4 went to the bar and he and his fiancé got in a fight. John’s brother said, “I’m not allowed to have any fun”…John didn’t say anything. Knowing we were there to get to know each other and have a good time, I said if you can’t f*cking come out and spend time with your brother, there’s something seriously wrong here. He instantly got up and the boys had a good night! The fiancé stormed off somewhere and ended up showing back up after she realized we no longer were staying at their house. The next day, John’s brother deleted me off of snapchat. I could go on…lots of very immature little things like this that I got to the point I was done and so removed them both from all of my social media. No thank you when I sent their kid birthday presents etc….and their wedding is coming up this summer and I wasn’t invited. John said it’s probably best I don’t go because he could see them not even hugging me at the wedding and how awkward it would be. It’s SO awkward, I don’t even know why they have to be this way.

It is causing issues in our relationship because John’s mom has been SILENT from my life. Ignores my FaceBook posts, doesn’t like the pictures I upload with John or I in them….I thanked her profusely for some concert tickets she got us for Christmas (sent her a text novel) her response was “K”….we ended up buying them concert tickets to another show as a “thank you”…just a very strange relationship there and I was warned by his aunt to watch out for her. That hurt. So because of the family issues I’m experiencing, it’s making me reconsider if I can handle a lifetime of this kind of drama. I really can’t.

Also, he is on a different financial level than I am and starts his new job tomorrow. He didn’t like his job he started in February so he’s onto something else tomorrow. It’s more money, which is good. I try not to be selfish but it’s April 10th and he still hasn’t paid me for his half of the bills/mortgage. I have been understanding since October really when it’s been kind of on his terms because I know he’s been trying to play catch up in life. As a reminder, he’s 30. I really do love him as a person and the companionship he provides and I know he tries and helps out around the house but I think he wants kids and marriage soon. I don’t see that as a good idea given his financial situation and his ADD. I find out tomorrow if he actually goes to the clinic. My anxiety and stress levels going back and forth haven’t been the greatest. I’ve never been in this kind of position in a relationship. He’s a lot of fun! He’s down for taking random road trips that aren’t too far and of course we both love nature so it’s affordable. We love walking trails. I’m just having a hard time in my life accepting everything and find it a daily battle of mental exhaustion questioning myself and what I want. Sucks because when you love someone it makes everything THAT MUCH HARDER when faced with these kinds of issues…

Thank you for the book suggestions and your relationship suggestions, I really appreciate it! I think it would be hard to leave him because we do care about each other SO MUCH. He did tell me again, the other night, that if I couldn’t handle the family situations (because I’ve always wanted to be a part of a close family), that he would understand and not question why I would break up with him because I deserve better since I am such a good person. It really freaking hurts to even think about it. I’ve been an emotional mess ever since he moved in with me. Some days obviously are better than others. We had a great time last night for example spending time together but man, we both are feeling weighed down with things.