Please seek family counseling if you haven’t already. You are right that hitting a child is absolutely unacceptable. It’s abuse short and simple even if her behavior is provoking. If her disrespectful behavior happens after her meds are wearing off, talk with her doctor about changing meds, trying different doses, or maybe a small dose of something to help with evening behavior. Also, does your husband have ADHD? My husband has ADHD combined type and has no frustration tolerance. He also has a short fuse, never hitting though. Fortunately our son has ADHD Inattentive type, so doesn’t have any really provoking behaviors. I can imagine how often they would be at each other if he had hyperactivity and behavior issues. ADHD tends to run in families, so maybe your husband should consider being evaluated if he exhibits any other symptoms. My husband is also great with our son when all is calm, but can go into lecturing mode and critical when he is frustrated, and yelling if he feels disrespected. Also, please find ways to take care of yourself. It sounds like you have been through a lot recently and the whole family is stressed. I’ve had health and financial stress too recently so I feel ya there! It makes the parenting ADHD stuff so much more difficult to cope with.