Reply To: Dating a Man with ADHD — my anxiety has spiked, seeking advice please.

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#81163
keypher
Participant

Sounds like the relationship took the wind out of your sails. Partly because you aren’t on your own powerful path. Stop and look at the horizon – imagine the possibilities for yourself again. Right now it sounds like a co-dependent, not inter-dependent relationship. Let’s say John was so great at domestic chores and childcare that he became the stay-at-home partner – he’s still going to need to activate his accountability, even more so. So give it a test run:

Doing a weekly check-in will either prove he’s dependable and responsible for his commitments he chooses OR not. If you keep your end of the bargain, you may see why you feel you feel you are dragging an “anchor”. Either way, you will have control over your ship and that will energize you again. Are you able to imagine the possibilities for yourself without thinking of carrying John too? Go forward with your voyage (to over-use this metaphor) and he will join you moving forward or not. No matter what he decides, you will feel better taking control over what you can – whatever teeny little step like “I’ll eat leafy greens because it feels good for me.” “I’ll go for a nice walk because I don’t want to feel stuck, I want to move.” “I’ll go out for a coffee with a friend- I can afford to treat myself!” Who knows, maybe your momentum will inspire him. We learn from each other as social animals. You can still do the weekly check-ins and make sure you share chores for the household if you want to wean off the dependency and test accountability.

Report back in a week, April 12th, pce42, and let us know how you chose to act, as if you were NOT waiting for John for you to feel the way you want to. It can only help both of you.