Reply To: Dating a Man with ADHD — my anxiety has spiked, seeking advice please.

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#81066
pce42
Participant

It’s funny you mention procrastination. He was supposed to be seen yesterday at a mental health walk-in clinic. He went into work an hour early, so he could leave to get there on time. He told me the receptionist gave him the wrong clinic walk-in hours, so he showed up only to find they weren’t available to help. A person like me would have confirmed the hours on their website or by calling instead of assuming. He told me he’ll go after work next Wednesday. Having John get treatment has now taken months. He promised me he was going to get treatment and swore he wanted to get better. Now, it seems as though things keep “happening” where he’ll make an appointment somewhere, then cancel, or like in this situation, not check the times…
It.Is.Frustrating.

I had a chat with him last night to ask him where he thought we were at and what we needed to work on. I told him about how he goes on tangents when he talks and people tune him out. He told me he knew and I asked if he had dated anyone previously he mentioned things like this to him. He said he has, and they would tell him to shut the f*ck up. I think that’s pretty rude and extreme, so clearly people have just “given up” on him and ended things. Insert loyalist girlfriend here (me)…lol. He seemed really down that I had mentioned his ADD to him but he said his family is an issue, his ADD, and now his talking. I asked him what I could improve on and he didn’t tell me really anything, other than he’d like us to get out more. I’d love that too, but he can’t afford to do much right now with not having stable work. It’s kind of a hard place to be in. I feel like he’s kind of checked-out and that we both are coasting together at this point. He has his jiu jitsu he’s dedicated to, and I encourage him to do it. He practices several times a week, and loves it. We just seem to be living together and not really doing things as a couple, which is causing problems for me.

Thank you for your resources, I hope I can find a way to either continue the relationship or we can part as friends, which I know for the both of us will be extremely difficult. I find myself always checking the oven now and it’s frustrating. I think medicine would help him SLOW down. He’s always frantic and thinking. I know no matter what relationship I end up in there is going to be some kind of conflict, but my goodness, dating him definitely can be exhausting. He’s such a good person that it’s made a lot of these stresses livable. I hope he can get some help soon. Even when we tried breaking up, he was texting me multiple times and it wasn’t really a break up. He was panicked and he’s told me in the past the last thing he ever wants to do is end up alone. He also has an extreme fear of death, which increases my anxiety. He brings it up quite a bit actually and I don’t know where that stems from for him. I’ve never really worried about it, since it’s inevitable, but I don’t want to get myself all wound up about it either, lol.