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Since you are attached to your guy, and everyone DOES express their ADHD differently, it’s curious to me what your guy’s twin is like? Just because you can feel objective about his future. There’s no guarantees about the future with anyone – near-typical and able-bodied people can change their status in a second. So, in my situation, I try to be grateful and make the most of it.
For me, as long as I hyper-focussed on what I like to do I am super productive and focussed. During my career-phase I realized I pushed away relationships because I knew they challenged what I could handle with my work, which was a priority then.
Now, married with children, I can tell you that my family is a priority and I STRUGGLE figuring out how people juggle both. I stay at home but it’s difficult for me to multi-task with each kid and prepare meals, etc…
Depending on your situation he can do very well in home or career, and if there’s extra money you can outsource what he can’t do (keep up on home maintenance, do the taxes, whatever doesn’t fit his field of focus).
Work, family, relationships require logistics that overlap and I can only hyper focus on one thing at a time. So, like b2curious said, there’s books about relationships with someone such as myself and I don’t know what your guys combination of gifts and problems are. My husband is most likely the impulsive type of ADHD, super successful and he continues to be classic ADHD and a sweetheart. So, we do weekly check-ins that cover 4 points: 1) Appreciations for each other 2) Chores we need to be aware of 3) Plan Good times! 4) Talk about challenging stuff. These 4 steps are from the book, “Marriage Meetings”. Helps us stay on focus/track.
I thought Melissa Orlav had a good book on relationships & ADHD. Peruse the reviews:
If you were my pal I’d probably say date more and see if you can move on but if not, know with eyes wide-open what you are in for. If you date great people and just miss him all the time then you might have your answer.