Reply To: Dating a Man with ADHD — my anxiety has spiked, seeking advice please.

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Unfortunately, you may have to help some with the getting treatment. Procrastination is a huge issue for many people with ADHD, especially in a situation where we’re not really sure what we need to do or have a bunch of choices and no clear way to decide – like finding the right doctor. It can be pretty overwhelming, especially if he runs into issues getting diagnosed. The first psychiatrist I saw didn’t really think I had ADD because I’d done well in school and had a bachelor’s degree. (News flash, not all of us do poorly in school or have problems reading. If she’d pursued the subject, I did have some ADD related issues in school.) The second one was much more flexible and did diagnose me and we did a little tinkering with meds, when we found one that worked okay, she sent me to my family doctor to continue the prescription. My former family doctor (an older gentleman and 15 years ago) read me the riot act when I broached the subject of ADHD and meds with him. According to him, the only people who need meds for ADHD are kids who can’t sit still and are always running around. He said that taking stimulant meds as an adult would ruin my life, I’d need higher and higher doses and eventually wind up addicted to meth (man what a leap he made there). My current family doctor is fine with prescribing them. I’ve been on stimulants for 15 yrs. now and have upped the dose twice – and they saved my job. My work load had reached the point where I couldn’t keep up, and the meds were a life saver. But I might not have changed family doctors if my husband hadn’t insisted. I’d rather deal with one that couldn’t diagnose my daughter’s asthma (but did send us to the allergy clinic at Children’s Hosp.) and didn’t want to write a prescription for stimulant medication for me than try to find a new doctor – that was just too overwhelming.

As for safety issues, like the oven being left on all day, either you guys are going to have to brain storm a way for him to be reminded about it, or he may just have to not use the oven or stove in the morning. I went with the second option for me. The last time I used the stove in the morning, I was trying to slightly warm some coconut milk in a storage dish – put it in a pan of water on low and took a shower. Several hours later, my husband, who is physically disabled from a work injury diagnosed too late to repair, found the pot on the stove. It had no water in it and the storage dish was quite warm on the bottom, but not melted. Every time I’m tempted to use the stove on a work morning, I think of that and do something else or use the microwave.

The two of you may also want to look into books about ADHD – many of which are available in audio form if reading is an issue for John. Which reminds me, I really need to get around to actually reading a couple of them…. Some that popped up as results on GoodReads from my search “recommended books for ADHD” were recommended to 10 or so years ago, when I was on an ADHD forum: Two from Edward M. Hallowell – Driven to Distraction and Delivered From Distraction and one from Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: A Self-Help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder?! (I read half of that one, borrowed it through our library’s exchange program, but I had to return it before I finished it. I couldn’t renew it.) This one by Gina Pera might be good for you Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder