Reply To: Dating a Man with ADHD — my anxiety has spiked, seeking advice please.

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Wow, thank you both so much for your insight! I appreciate the article references and will be doing some more research on this. What I find interesting is his parents allow him to ramble and from my observations have “tuned” him out. I’ve seen him talk with his mom and she just says, “yeah, mmhmm, okay” but doesn’t seem to be engaged whatsoever in the conversation and glued to her phone. This isn’t always the case, sometimes, they’ll be face to face and she’ll still appear to tune him out and not let him know he’s rambling. It’s hard to get used to for me because I don’t want to come off as rude and he like, BABE. I think we may need to get to that point though since I’ve talked to him alone about it as not to embarrass him.

When something big does happen, like leaving the oven on all day, I respond by letting him know, gently, that he did something. Obviously, he feels defeated and wears the emotion on his face that he messed up, but I don’t rub it in his face or cause a fight over it. That just makes everything worse in my opinion. Our communication is pretty great fortunately. I do have safety concerns though. I understand that his mind is racing essentially, but he’s got to find a better way to manage it to avoid burning down the house for example.

Since I’m not as educated as I’d like to be about ADHD/ADD, I suspected it with John and asked him if he thought he had it. This was about 8 months into our relationship, when he responded and told me he was diagnosed in 7th grade, but his parents took him off medication, I was shocked. No other treatment options were explored. Another tick I noticed, is he’ll randomly start laughing at something in his head before he shares what it is, which catches A LOT of people off guard. He’s been asked if he’s high before. LOL. He does not drink or do drugs fortunately. **Another perk of dating him!!**

It’s interesting to me that this is hereditary, I should probably explore that more too if we ever decided to have children. I’m a patient, loyal, organized person and have noticed since I’ve started dating John, I find myself a bit more scatter brained because I feel like I need to think for the “both” of us. There are certain things I double-check or tasks I don’t have him do because I’m worried they won’t be done properly. However, we think different, and I have accepted that. It doesn’t mean there’s anything “wrong” with him, it’s just that I have to figure out if this will work out for us as a couple in the long run. He also told me no other girls he’s dated have ever pointed out the possibility of ADHD and suggested he get help.

I told him it’s up to him to look into getting treated but I couldn’t be with him if he didn’t explore possibilities. I don’t like giving people ultimatums, but, he’s 30 years old. This should have been addressed lonnnnnggg ago in my opinion. He agreed he needs to get help and see what options are available to him. He thinks it’ll help him be more successful in life. I agree! I have so much more reading to do on this topic. I just don’t want to keep pulling myself down because of the relationship. I feel A LOT and I know he’s trying and since I’ve never been in this situation before, I’m trying to be as patient and understanding as possible. It’s not easy. Some days are harder than others. Thanks again for responding so quickly! : )