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I’m like you in that I got through school and university a straight-A kid – the moods, guilt and difficulty focussing on things that aren’t immediately urgent and/or interesting (symptoms that tend to be more female/inattentive/overlooked at school etc) didn’t really start until I was 18ish, and it wasn’t diagnosed until I was 26 and had been screwing up at work a lottttttt!
I think the major thing to focus on, as with many adhd women, is guilt… I don’t think it’s so much unlearning things or ‘beating’ your adhd, but more accepting that, yeah, I find certain things really difficult and the life plans I had in my head aren’t realistic anymore – so what else can I do? I had grand plans of being my family’s definition of success too, and tbh it just made me ill. I think the key is working with what we have instead of trying to conform to standards of people whose brains don’t work like ours, you know? Realistically, your success will probably look nothing like that of your brother’s – mine doesn’t either, but a job in which I work with rescue dogs, have lots of breaks and freelance on the side works for me. I tried for yonks to bash a square peg into a round hole and be a city type who lived and breathed journalism, but you’ve gotta work with the cards you’re dealt and redefine success on your own terms. Being content with adapting is the most helpful thing I’ve ever realised.
Lots of luck to you x