DON’T. I know it sounds harsh and simplified but as a 39 year old (rounding down) who knew on first site of the term I had it 24 years ago – It is not going to change. Really sorry to break it to you, but that is how it goes for most as far as I can tell. I am a bus driver in a big city full of crazy people (even crazier than me) and I have swapped more war stories than you can count. I have NEVER heard of denial parents (on this subject or pretty much any other) converting.
The “good” news:
You can learn to at least feel better about yourself by just letting them live in their own world. It is uncomfortable for them to change so just keep telling yourself “I am bigger, stronger, and more generous than you – and I will revel when the day comes that you realize it and look at me as the greater good I have become”. Imagine you were a loving spouse who was seduced by someone who was WAY out of your league. It eats away at you to keep the secret but if you break the silence you are only being selfish.
LOL. Sorry. I suppose you will have to get used to the fact that here people will start answering your post before reading it all, like I did. Just noticed the “queer trans” bit. So you already know what I’m saying, don’t you?
Also, an exact ditto with my mother. She is famous as “crazy Izzy” – a well known quirky woman who was a renowned artist in her day.
Going to take a leap here – “queer trans” and all I’m guessing you are on the West coast like me. And you moved from the East to get away from your family. I should add that I worked my ass off and spent every penny visiting them when I was broke and making them happy and now that I have kids they won’t lift a finger to help me or even meet us half way when we travel. I don’t think I will be seeing much of them anymore. Especially after I leave my intolerant wife that they pushed me into marrying…
Oh well… This is the first time I have ever written a long post on the internet for anything but your situation just screamed at me so I had to sign up and bang this out. If you want anymore advice or anything I’ll be around. I’m full of the stuff when it’s not MY problems 😉