Heres the straight talk; your not a horrible person. But if you think you are then you will be. I am not gonna stop you from beating yourself up. Go on and do it. Just know that no one can change it but you. Cut that self pity shit out. Stop it. Decide now that your gonna be a better person. Go out there and change. Be the hero in your story. Love yourself. Become obsessed with self improvement. But guess what none of this matters if you don’t believe it yourself.