Reply To: If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you?

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Spouses & Loved Ones If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you? Reply To: If you could go back in time and do it all over again, would you?

#79912
KenMacD
Participant

Wow! I’ve been feeling pretty alone lately and this aarticle and the responses have really comforted me.
I am a gay man and have been married to my partner for almost 5 years. Over these years, I have experienced so many fights, lies, denial, blame, gas lighting,anger outbursts, cold words and actions out of nowhere, plus so much more, all of it coming from my spouse. I have been left with almost no self-esteem, embarrassed, constantly on edge waiting for his next game to begin, no social life because of his behavior, plus more negative things that any marriage should not induce. He started therapy and his doctors are thinking it may be adhd, I still think he’s a narcissist, but I will know more from the doctors soon. If I could go back to when I first met him, I would’ve ran the opposite direction. Not walk, but run. I am glad he is finnaly seeking help, but he still is unable to grasp the effects his words and actions have had on me and the way he responds to me anytime I try to talk about some of these things so I can try to heal, he will dismiss my feelings, expect me to just forgive him and love and trust him whole and shut up about it, or he gets so angry that he needs to exit from talking to me. It is pure Hell. I am finally at the point where I know I need to leave him. It breaks my heart to walk away from my marriage and from him because this isn’t something he can control, but I have 3 autoimmune, chronic health issues and the stress level he maintains in our home daily is finally too much to bare. If you have a spouse who isn’t medicated or is denying adhd and you strongly feel it is, you need to evaluate your situation. Everyone needs to be loved but it should never be at the cost of your own self worth, stability and peace in your home. Run fast. And don’t look back.