I really feel for you, Yes we can say and do things that come out the wrong way. It is often hard to read other peoples emotions . something we have in common with Asberger’s Syndrome. In my own instance floating through life in a fog I found that my family was rife with narcissistic personality defects and I was none the wiser. This gives a double whammy because as well being scapegoated they’re able to place the most negative view imaginable on my gaffs. Not saying that this is what is happening here but it may be some thing other than ADHD that is the issue. I agree with every one else here find a good doctor get the diagnosis and then try and get your kids to meet with your doctor in necessary to . Just keep being there for your kids ,in the mean time, and make sure they know that.