Reply To: Anger at surprises- are we dating ? Confused

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Adults Relationships Anger at surprises- are we dating ? Confused Reply To: Anger at surprises- are we dating ? Confused

#79515
bearlyt
Participant

Sorry long post—-

I have not heard from my freind Since a week ago. We used to exchange texts and or call more often than that. I texted her an apology for my response to her getting a job offer. I did it on Saturday. No response. I also spoke to her boss, actually her boss came to me. They don’t want her to leave and I echoed this sentiment. I was given insight on how she reacted to 3 job offers in one hour time period.. she freaked out, full on panic attack..she went to her boss, whom calmed her down.

They discussed the jobs she may take.. one would be here— two agencies split time and come out with 65000 a year.( great opportunity) The other a permanent job 9-5 desk new location less money than the other — The other in Another state that would be cool..I think.

But apparently me, not knowing the circumstances went and approached her and was happy for her yet very depressed that she would be leaving.. what I didn’t know she had tentatively taken two of the offers and was/is waiting for the job interview for third, she was given the opportunity to weigh her options..

Was I wrong to be sad. No. Could I hide my fear of losing her better? Could of, but she knows how I feel. Do I think she is scared of a relationship. Yes, any relationship. Her actions upto Thursday, shows me she loves me.

I apologized in a text. About being selfish in my sadness and not listening or wanting hear her rant at me. I was wrong i Shut her down. I value our freindship a great deal, I don’t want that to be lost. She knows I love her, more than freind, but she walls me up, and uses excuses to say not my type, etc.. but she had no problem, flirting, teasing, etc..till I told her I heard her say she loved me. Which she denied then stated she didn’t remember ever saying.. ( she remembers everything of that night except that three word phrase) I wanted to know where we stood at that time, dating etc.. she then cam back to be and was wanting more involvement in my life. Push/pull.

I know she is super stressed. I think she traveled out of town to investigate the locations of the other two jobs. She has not communicated to me at all. Her last text to me was the phrase was she will talk with when she is ready and my reaction at her house was inappropriate and it crossed a line. ( I was sad and stated after congratulations and hug that I grumbled guess We’ll never know, that sent her into rage/rant..) I left her house on ok terms, but obviously it didn’t sit well when I asked her three times to give me half hour to talk about something else later in the evening.

I want what is best for her. I will not nor ever have I encouraged her to do anything that I was directly involved in.. I give her facts, pros con and let her make her own choices. Doing otherwise is not fair nor loving. I can only assume, that since we are still freinds on Facebook, and she has not told me to go kick rocks..that we are still freinds, and that she will again talk to me. I don’t like being ignored, it reminiscing of silent treatment, I suffered from my ex.

but I don’t want to even bother her while she is dealing with this. I do believe her last relationship failed due to her lack of communication that is consistent and clear.

I am at a loss. I will not give up our freindship that is first. I will always be here for her as I have been since I have known her. She is my freind and very close freind. But she is scared of us. I will let the powers be decide if we are going to be a couple. I have no interest in other women, just because of who she is and what she means to me. Yes, I know I’m in love.. she knows I’m in love. But if is not meant to be at this time I have to deal with it.

Any advice, or am doing the right things. I can see she had a EXecutive function issue and the rejection dysphoria. I’m so new trying to deal with this. Help