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My heart goes out to you. I have two daughters myself and all of us have ADHD. I’m pretty sure that hubby has it too. I feel the same judging and guilt that you do. We struggle to plan meals and grocery shop on a consistent basis. My husband is celiac, I am a recovered food addict with multiple food allergies and my daughters are picky eaters. Throw in my husband’s hour long commute and shopping addiction, on top of the normal household chaos, and I can feel really hopeless. We just do the best we can. People are judgmental, they aren’t going to understand. I heard two sayings/slogans that I absolutely love: “What other people think of me is none of my business.” and “How important is it?” The people who matter aren’t going to judge you. I grew up in an immaculate house, with two organized parents, who could’ve cared less about what I wanted. I would have been happy to have them attend just one of my functions from start to finish. Loving your daughter is the important part. At least, in my humble opinion. And it sounds like you love her a lot.