Reply To: Relationships and Emotional Articulation

#79323
bushytail
Participant

I sincerely appreciate all of your replies, it is most comforting and relaxing to even just communicate with others that have similar communication styles and life experiences. I never usually have issues exploding (learned the hard way sometimes you need to internalize for the sake of the relationship) my emotions onto people, most times it’s the opposite. I think a fear of intimacy just causes me to become too hyper-vigilant for the situation and ultimately not express the feelings I have in the time that I am given; I constantly run through too many situations in my head (good and bad) and never make a definitive choice verbally or emotionally. Methylphenidate (Ritalin IR/XR) helped tremendously with filtering through my emotions and curbing the anxiety, although I am bound and determined to become someone capable enough to deal with them without medicine (maybe I’m just being stubborn). It is quite a strange feeling being able to comprehend how you’re going to react in a situation emotionally (i.e. the rejection I faced), yet still be absolutely overwhelmed by the feelings you have. I personally have never had a relationship as a young adult and it has been something I’ve desired quite a while due to my wishy-washy family life, but my cognitive development due to ADHD as well as inconsistent parenting has created quite a rift between what I want as a young adult and the life I’ve unfortunately had to submit to in order to maintain a “normal” family life. I exercise tremendously, run basically 5 miles 5 times a week, going to start a strength regimen sometime soon. Drink only water, chocolate milk, and beer every now and then while only eating fruits, vegetables and meat every now and then. I keep my mind stimulated by doing school work typically and feel like I’m always exhausted enough to go to sleep, but the gut wrenching feeling of anxiety and self-doubt is a daily sucker punch unfortunately. I do believe things will improve with age, emotional and mental maturity, experience, cognitive awareness, and faith in better things to come; but until then I will keep pressing on and grinding out what needs to be done in order for me to be the adult I envision myself being and to immerse myself in the love and life I so very much hope for. Again, thank you all for letting my voice myself, means the world to me…