I am right there with you. You have a similar description of myself. However, I did find a doctor to medicate. It has had a huge impact on my life. However, it is very stressful trying to find the right doctor, the right drug, and the right dosage. All of this, while dealing with the stigma of mental health. The stigma is one of the reasons you are on this message board. You cannot talk to anyone about it other than your spouse and doctor. Sadly, it doesn’t stop at the dr’s office. It is an obstacle, but not an impossible one by any means. Google and call an APRN ( I feel like they are easier to contact, which will come in handy when you need a monthly prescription), and tell them your story, then ask them if it is something they feel comfortable doing. It may work out, it may not. But there is always more. Set a day aside and go through the list of APRN’s or psych’s in your area, write notes next to their names, and go back through and see which one you want to see. Keep the list, incase it doesn’t work out. It will save you some googling. Recently, I changed doctors due to logistics; and made it very clear he was a very patient oriented doctor. We were trying to find the correct medication combination to last 14 hours… all day long. We tried two different combinations in less than two months and he sent me a message saying he will no longer see me. I am assuming, he thought I was doubling up on medication or I was just too much work for him.