Reply To: Teen Doesn’t Want to Grow Up

Home Welcome to the ADDitude Forums For Parents Teens & Young Adults Teen Doesn’t Want to Grow Up Reply To: Teen Doesn’t Want to Grow Up

#79019
DanaB
Participant

Trish64, I identify with every word! We just found out this morning that my son did not get into the school that was his top choice. The only school he was accepted to is out-of-state, and we can’t let him take on that kind of student debt, so it’s not really possible. I feel badly for him, but also know he is in no way ready for that step. It’s going to take him some time to accept that he doesn’t have a “going away to college” option. He does have the option of community college, then transferring to a 4-year school, but he’s not happy with doing it that way.

Fortuna33, sounds like there is more acceptance of ADD here in the states, but it’s a recent development, where I live anyway. I couldn’t get extra help for my senior when he was younger, because his grades were good. But that was only because I was coordinating with his teachers to get his work done! Looking back, I should have let him fail so the school would have a reason to help. I can’t be too hard on myself though…I just didn’t understand that. By the time his grades dropped enough to get the school’s attention, around 9th grade, the social stigma had kicked in. He refused any sort of extra help, anything that made him different from his friends. Sometimes I feel guilty for not just forcing it anyway, but he was quite clear he would not cooperate. He never needed extra time on tests, or tutoring. The thing that benefits him most is checking in with a teacher everyday so that he stays on top of his work. Last year, when he failed some classes, we were able draft a teacher to do that each day, on the down-low. It really did help. This year he has again refused to check in with the teacher, and again his grades have dropped. It’s so clear he benefits from that check-in, but he refuses to acknowledge it. His pride is so frustrating! I think for him to be successful at the college level, he will need that sort of accommodation. I can’t imagine him agreeing to it though. 🙁

I think it’s so difficult to know how much to push them, help them, or stand back and let them have feel the consequences. Especially with the complication of ADD and other issues. I feel like I’m just winging it! My hope is that if we have our kid’s best interest in mind (which we do!), that we will end up in a good place.